the war has begun
There is a war going on inside me. The news-ticker of my thoughts is a constant stream of self harm. Like a child trying to get their parent’s attention it is incessant and getting louder with each pass. Cut, it says, just a little bit. Gain some control over your life through pain. It doesn’t really hurt. It will prove to the world that you really do need to live with your parents. It will prove that you are really sick.
Yes, there is a war going on inside me. Right now, I am winning, my wants to be my normal. The wants to get up and run tomorrow. The wants to work, to be successful, to make money. But as hard as I try, my thoughts are getting jumbled. My winning healthy wants are getting tangled in desperate need to hurt myself. I am trying so hard to fight. So hard. I gaze ever so often at the battle scars on my left arm. The scars when the healthy pleas were thrown aside. How strong will I be tonight?
