showing up

It is a little after 11am. I think I am depressed and starting to lean that way anyway. I crawled out of bed at 8am thinking I was going to work. Half way into my diet coke I fell back asleep. At 9:30am I took half a provigil and closed my eyes again. Thoughts are slow and I am having trouble connecting the dots. 10 to 11am I stared at my computer, not really knowing what to do. I do not feel lazy, I feel unproductive. I finally got up off my couch at 11am, I had to do something anything, just something. So I hung up my clean clothes (something I rarely do).

After laying on the couch for most of yesterday after the eye doctor, I just can’t spend another day like that. I feel like I am wasting my life. I need to at least to attempt to live my life. I need to at least show up. It is more than just going through the motions. It is being aware of my surroundings. Being present in the moment. But it is so hard when I am so tired and unmotivated and my thoughts just can’t keep up.
Something, I must do something. Since my mind cannot process thoughts, I guess I will clean.